you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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