You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize