They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
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I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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