Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize