My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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