I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize