Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
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God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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