ya dads aren't the best wingmen
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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