i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Two words: nipple clamps
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