I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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