so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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