you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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