you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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