I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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