Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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