After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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