What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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