Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize