Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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