If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize