I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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