I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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