it was like his penis was on wheels.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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