so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
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The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
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I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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