Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
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I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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