Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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