Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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