Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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