Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize