she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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