It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
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What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
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You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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