You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i love accidental penises.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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