Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
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he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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