did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize