Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
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When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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