What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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