the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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