My underwear smells like fireworks.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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