never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize