i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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