hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
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The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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