I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Barsexuality is the new black.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize