so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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