You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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