Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
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She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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