Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize