Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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