I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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