The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize