my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
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